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Transcript:Romeo
URL ** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9WUDwByz_E .SBV Transcript 0:00:00.000,0:00:08.800 *theme music* 0:00:09.000,0:00:12.200 David: Okay, campers. Quiet down, everyone, please. 0:00:12.200,0:00:13.300 *ambient noise* 0:00:13.300,0:00:16.400 David: Please, the theater demands your utmost respect and- 0:00:16.400,0:00:18.400 Gwen: SHUT YOUR YAPS, IT'S TIME FOR THE PLAY! 0:00:19.900,0:00:21.200 David: Ahem, thank you, Gwen. 0:00:21.200,0:00:22.600 Gwen: DON'T MENTION IT! 0:00:23.300,0:00:28.500 David: Tonight's presentation is brought to you by theater camp's very own: Preston Goodplay! 0:00:28.600,0:00:30.100 *unexcited clapping* 0:00:30.100,0:00:47.500 Preston: Thank you, thank you. It is with great pleasure that I welcome you to tonight's production. Written and directed, of course, by me. It is a classic tale of forbidden love, betrayal, and friendship. So without further ado I present to you: Romeo and Juliet II: Love Resurrected. 0:00:47.500,0:00:49.000 *weak applause* 0:00:49.000,0:00:50.000 *coughing* 0:00:50.000,0:01:29.300 [ Camp Camp Song Song ] 0:01:33.200,0:01:35.700 Max: This is absolutely humiliating! 0:01:35.700,0:01:39.300 Neil: What a waste of time! I could be working on that flame-thrower right now. 0:01:39.300,0:01:45.000 Nikki: I hate being Juliet! I wanna be someone cool, like Xena, or Rambo! 0:01:45.000,0:01:47.000 Max: You nervous about your big kiss scene? 0:01:47.000,0:01:49.800 Neil: Don't remind me! I'm already freaking out! 0:01:49.800,0:01:55.200 Nikki: Y'know, Juliet should've done karate instead of kissing boys. HIYAH! Maybe she wouldn't have died then. 0:01:55.200,0:01:59.300 David: Has anyone seen my phone? I must have dropped it while doing my smile exercises. 0:01:59.300,0:02:00.600 Gwen: Don't admit to that... 0:02:01.900,0:02:02.600 Max: *sinister laughter* 0:02:02.600,0:02:03.700 Nikki: Is that David's phone? 0:02:03.700,0:02:07.100 Max: Pipe down, I'm checking his... Oh my God, he has a Tinder account. 0:02:07.100,0:02:08.200 Nikki: Tinder? What's that? 0:02:08.200,0:02:11.500 Max: Oh, it's that dating app for losers who can't meet people in real life. 0:02:11.600,0:02:15.400 Nikki: Ohh, yeah! My dad used that when my mom left him. Again. 0:02:15.700,0:02:21.800 Neil: Guuyys, you're just adding to my anxiety! If you don't return the phone, I'm going to have a panic attack, and that's on you! 0:02:21.800,0:02:26.600 Max: Oh man, he's got like seven pictures on his profile. Tch, can you say desperate? 0:02:26.900,0:02:32.700 Preston: Wizard! You're about to get your cue! I will not have you ruffians RUIN MY BIG DEBUT! Now get! 0:02:34.400,0:02:43.000 Space Kid: I'm afraid we have no other choice. We must turn to... Pause... Black magic! 0:02:46.000,0:02:47.500 Max: Yo, did someone say black magic? 0:02:48.700,0:02:49.600 Preston: *facepalm* Amateurs! 0:02:50.100,0:02:53.900 Space Kid: Ahh, mighty wizard! Please revive our daughter, who died so foolishly. 0:02:54.000,0:02:55.300 Max: What's in it for me? 0:02:55.300,0:02:57.600 Space Kid: Ummuh, that's not your line... 0:02:57.800,0:03:05.500 Max: Yeah, I'm just messin'. Okay! One revived daughter, comin' right up. Latinus speakitus revivedeadjuliettus. Man, who wrote this? 0:03:06.600,0:03:08.500 Nikki: I'm baaaaack! 0:03:10.400,0:03:14.600 Preston: That's the end of Act I. Intermission time. GO GET SOME SNACKS!!! 0:03:15.900,0:03:17.500 Max: Welp, that's it for me. 0:03:17.600,0:03:26.200 Preston: Thanks for your contribution. An inanimate object stuffed with hay could have acted better! Platypus, you're doing great! Stole the scene! Keep it up! 0:03:26.200,0:03:26.700 Platypus: Muack! 0:03:26.900,0:03:29.500 Preston: Alright people, get your SHIT together! 0:03:29.900,0:03:31.700 Max: You're up next. Break a leg, buddy. 0:03:32.100,0:03:37.700 Neil: You're right! If I'm injured, I can't perform! Hit me! Hit me hard! It's gotta look convincing. 0:03:38.200,0:03:38.700 *weak slap* 0:03:38.700,0:03:39.200 Neil: *surprised girly man grunt* 0:03:39.400,0:03:39.900 *camera sound* 0:03:40.200,0:03:41.400 Neil: What are you doing? 0:03:41.400,0:03:45.200 Max: Changing David's Tinder profile, of course. Hey, how do you spell conquistador? 0:03:46.100,0:03:47.500 *ominous music* 0:03:47.500,0:03:53.000 Tabii: There he is! Look how nervous he is. God, he's so HAWT! 0:03:53.400,0:03:55.400 Sasha: He's obviously a loser, Tabii. 0:03:55.900,0:04:01.300 Tabii: Oh, look how the sweat on his upper lip glistens in the moonlight. 0:04:01.600,0:04:03.300 *glass shattering and a woman screaming in sheer horror* 0:04:03.900,0:04:09.700 Sasha: I can't believe we came all the way to this hella gross camp to see him. There's, like, dirt everywhere. 0:04:09.700,0:04:19.300 Tabii: Our love is forbidden just like Romeo and Juliet's. But we will be together even if it costs us our lives. UGH! It's so romantic! I wanna die! 0:04:19.900,0:04:22.200 Sasha: He called us cunts last time he saw us... 0:04:22.400,0:04:32.400 Tabii: Whatever. I know he wants my bod. I'm gonna make that kissing scene so hot, it'll be rated TV Y 7. He will be mine! 0:04:35.100,0:04:36.700 Erin: Back from the snack bar! 0:04:37.000,0:04:39.400 Sasha: Ooh, did you get my pumpkin spice? 0:04:39.600,0:04:40.400 Erin: Totes. 0:04:44.200,0:04:50.300 Dolph: At long last, mein creation is complete! Be reborn! 0:04:50.300,0:04:53.700 *thunder* 0:04:54.800,0:04:58.100 Neil: *robotically* Systems startup. Installing Windows update. 0:04:58.100,0:05:03.300 Dolph: Yes! Rise! Rise und be reborn, Robo-Romeo. 0:05:04.100,0:05:09.400 Neil: The breath of life is returned to me. Pray tell, Friar Lawrence, where is my Juliet? 0:05:10.400,0:05:15.700 Dolph: It appears, my son, in her sorrow, she killed herself. 0:05:15.800,0:05:18.100 *music* 0:05:19.000,0:05:20.800 Neil: Nooo! 0:05:20.800,0:05:24.400 *cheery music* 0:05:24.800,0:05:31.200 Preston: Ugh. Why is he so sweaty? Robots can't sweat. THIS ISN'T CANON! You're doing great, Nurf. 0:05:32.300,0:05:34.300 Nikki: *sniffing* Ugh. What smells like daisies? 0:05:35.200,0:05:38.200 Voice: Wow. Nikki? You're, like, such a good actor. 0:05:38.200,0:05:43.300 Nikki: Oh, thank you, ominous off-screen voice- Wait a minute- GAH! Somebody help me! 0:05:44.400,0:05:48.000 Max: Oh hello, Bonquisha. Yes, I will swipe right. 0:05:49.800,0:05:55.900 Neil: I am now machine but my heart still makes me human. And my sweet Juliet is no more. Why should I be brought back to such miserable conditions? 0:06:00.600,0:06:03.200 Tabii: Fret not, Robo-Romeo. 0:06:03.600,0:06:06.800 Neil: Uhh. Tabii? With two I's? 0:06:07.000,0:06:17.200 Tabii: No, yon fool. I'm Juliet, your one true love. Doth you not remember? I am no spectre. I have been revived! 0:06:17.400,0:06:20.300 Preston: I don't know who this bitch is, but she is killing it! Ah! 0:06:20.300,0:06:38.700 Tabii: Oh, Robo-Romeo, soon the evil empire will be upon us and you'll have to fight to save the galaxy. Let us kiss one last time *Neil makes distressed noises* before you possibly die in the battle. *makes kissy noises* 0:06:38.700,0:06:40.000 Preston: Yes! Yes! 0:06:40.100,0:06:42.000 *kissy noises continue* 0:06:42.000,0:06:43.700 Bonquisha: Who the hell is this hoe? 0:06:44.900,0:06:46.400 Neil: Wait, who- who are you? 0:06:46.400,0:06:56.200 Bonquisha: Don't you "who are you" me, David. You call yourself a conquistador? I thought we had meaningful texts. I told you my age, sex, and location. 0:06:56.200,0:06:57.300 Gwen: Oh my god. 0:06:57.800,0:07:00.700 Tabii: Uh, excuse me? Who's this? 0:07:00.700,0:07:03.400 Bonquisha: Well, David, explain yourself. 0:07:03.500,0:07:05.000 Neil: I'm not David! 0:07:05.000,0:07:10.500 Tabii: He's my Romeo! You best step off before I rip that weave off your head. 0:07:10.500,0:07:12.200 Bonquisha: Oh, you wanna go, little girl? 0:07:12.200,0:07:15.400 *fighting noises* 0:07:15.500,0:07:16.800 David: I need to stop this. 0:07:16.800,0:07:20.100 Gwen: Why? This is awesome. Whoo! You go girl! 0:07:20.500,0:07:23.700 Max: Oh man, this is going better than I could have hoped! 0:07:23.700,0:07:26.200 Preston: You! You did this! You little rat! 0:07:26.200,0:07:28.900 Max: Of course I did. Your play's stupid, Preston. 0:07:29.300,0:07:30.900 David: Max! What is this? 0:07:30.900,0:07:33.100 Max: Oh hey David! Uh, found your phone. 0:07:33.100,0:07:35.000 Preston: I'm not sure how this could get any worse. 0:07:35.000,0:07:35.900 *sirens* 0:07:36.400,0:07:37.600 *car screeching* 0:07:37.700,0:07:42.500 Agent #2: Nobody move. We've pinpointed some questionable searches from a phone in this area. 0:07:42.500,0:07:49.000 Agent #1: Such searches include "how to blow up a summer camp", "super murder plot", and "what do boobies look like?" 0:07:50.100,0:07:51.500 David: Ah, danggit. 0:07:51.500,0:07:52.600 Agent #2: There he is. 0:07:52.600,0:07:53.400 Agent #1: Get him! 0:07:53.800,0:08:01.800 Preston: The theater! The cruelest mistress of all! My career, like the mistakes of so many teenage girls, has been aborted. 0:08:01.800,0:08:04.200 Agent #2: You're going away for a long time, buddy. 0:08:04.200,0:08:07.700 David: You can't take me to prison. I've been framed! I'm just like Steven Avery! 0:08:07.800,0:08:11.800 Max: *sighs* Wait. I can fix this. Everyone stop. 0:08:14.200,0:08:14.900 Neil: *groans* 0:08:16.100,0:08:17.400 Agent #2: Who is this wizkid? 0:08:17.600,0:08:23.600 Max: Bonquisha, I'm sorry. You were texting me all along. I took David's phone just to mess with him. I led you on. 0:08:23.600,0:08:25.500 Bonquisha: Oh, nobody plays Bonquisha like that. 0:08:25.500,0:08:26.400 Gwen: Kick his ass! 0:08:26.400,0:08:28.100 David: Max, shame on you. My apologies, ma'am. 0:08:29.800,0:08:32.100 Tabii: What about me? Where's my apology? 0:08:32.500,0:08:34.800 Max: I'm gonna be honest. I'm not sure who you are. 0:08:34.800,0:08:36.800 Agent #2: Well, the kid apologized. 0:08:37.000,0:08:38.900 Agent #1: I'd say he learned a lesson. 0:08:38.900,0:08:39.800 Agent #2: Affirmative. 0:08:40.300,0:08:40.900 David: Ow! 0:08:41.500,0:08:42.600 Agent #2: You in charge here? 0:08:42.700,0:08:43.400 David: Uh, kinda? 0:08:43.400,0:08:47.100 Agent #2: Hmm. What's the deal here? Why do you got nerd kid in your theatre camp? 0:08:47.100,0:08:49.900 Agent #1: Are you guys running some kind of camp scam? 0:08:50.300,0:08:53.600 David: Oh, no, sirs. Nothing morally grey going on here. 0:08:53.600,0:08:56.700 Agent #2: Fair enough. Since we have you here, have you seen this man? 0:08:58.300,0:09:01.100 David: Oh, uh, I've been told to tell you no. 0:09:01.100,0:09:02.800 Agent #1: I can't argue with that. 0:09:02.800,0:09:03.800 Agent #2: Let's get outta here. 0:09:04.700,0:09:06.800 *car leaving* 0:09:06.800,0:09:21.900 Tabii: Oh Robo-Romeo. Alas, doomed by the tricks of this wizard, and life without my sweet Romeo is a life not worth living. Oh, happy dagger, blah blah blah, kill me. Bleh. 0:09:21.900,0:09:23.100 Bonquisha: Damn right. 0:09:25.400,0:09:39.400 Preston: Attention, fellow campers. I would just like to apologize for the sheer absurdness that you've witnessed. Please, be kind as you judge this play, and if you happen to be from Rotten Tomatoes, please rate Fresh! Thank you! 0:09:40.600,0:09:42.800 *all booing* 0:09:42.800,0:09:45.400 Preston: No, please! I was setting up a trilogy! 0:09:45.400,0:09:46.400 Gwen: Give up on your dream! 0:09:46.400,0:09:47.800 Max: Well, that all worked out! 0:09:47.800,0:09:49.600 David: You have got some serious explaining to do! 0:09:49.900,0:09:53.700 Max: I stole your phone and identity and played with women's hearts. What do you need explained? 0:09:54.000,0:09:57.800 Bonquisha: Excuse me, sugar. You owe Bonquisha a date. 0:09:58.200,0:09:59.700 David: I- But- That wasn't- 0:09:59.700,0:10:02.900 Bonquisha: Nuh-uh, somebody's going out with Bonquisha one way or another. 0:10:02.900,0:10:05.900 David: Guh! Wait! Can't we just be friends? 0:10:05.900,0:10:07.700 Sasha: Sorry about our friend. 0:10:07.800,0:10:10.400 Erin: Yeah. She's the dumb one. 0:10:11.300,0:10:14.700 Neil: Ugh. Why am I so sweaty? What did I miss? 0:10:14.800,0:10:17.300 Max: An Oscar-worthy performance by yours truly. 0:10:17.300,0:10:20.000 Neil: They don't give Oscars for stage performances. 0:10:20.000,0:10:22.800 Max: That's how good it was. Even Nikki would have been impressed. 0:10:23.100,0:10:24.800 Neil: Huh. Where is Nikki? 0:10:25.600,0:10:33.300 Nikki: Guys? Anyone? The blood is rushing to my head! Well, guess it's time to drink my own pee. Category:Transcripts